How I Feel About Turning 33

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Feeling Flirty, Thirty…Three & Thriving!

When they say 30 is the new 20 they are not kidding. I recently turned 33 and I honestly feel amazing about it.

I’ve battled insecurities, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety for what seems like my entire life but once I turned 30 I gained this new confidence I didn’t even know existed!

Let me be totally honest, I’ve ALWAYS had body issues, as in I’ve hated my body forever. Since I was a little girl I’ve been overweight and that’s controlled my life. My weight has fluctuated for many years going up and down like a roller coaster and that can drive anyone to the edge.  If you have the same issues then you know exactly what I mean. It’s stopped me from enjoying my life, caused many sleepless nights of just crying endlessly, and forced me to make many bad decisions.

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Photo by Sees The Day Photography

But something happened when I turned 30, something magical really. I started caring a little less each day about my body weight, how I looked in an outfit, and how I think I’m “supposed to look”. I started realizing that life is too short to worry about those things and I started enjoying my life with my family.

Now, I still battle depression & anxiety daily, I still take medication and I still have those demons but those are issues I cannot change. What I can control is how I feel about myself and I’m choosing to love myself!

Today at 33, I am feeling at peace with my body and self image. I’m never going to be a supermodel or a size 2 but that’s okay. I’ve learned it’s really not about what I look like but who I am that matters most. Before you laugh it off and think “that’s just something ugly people say”, bare with me.

I don’t have daughters but my sons have seen me go through some hard times. I want them to remember me as confident woman that was never afraid to join them in the fun. If they want to go to to beach, then to the beach we go and I’ll sport my one piece “flowy” bathing suit proudly. If they want to go on a hike, I’ll be there in full hike gear. Whatever we do as a family I will be a part of it because that’s what they will tell their friends, “My mom was there for us” not “My mom never went with us”. I’m hoping if they see me this way it will show them beauty truly is on the inside and hopefully help them grow up to be good, kind people.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against being healthy or skinny, I’ve been both of those things at one point in my life and do hope to get back to being healthier soon. I am just against feeling crappy about my body! So I have to buy bigger sizes, so what?! I can still rock a cute outfit even if it’s XL. Maybe one day I’ll be a Small again, maybe one day I’ll fit in those size 8 jeans but it’s really okay if I don’t. I love my leggings and I will live in them forever! I’m also all about loving yourself at any weight and shape. My body has been all over the map and now is when I’m at peace with it. There will come a day when I will have energy to workout and get back on track with being healthier but for now this is just where I’m at.

What being in my 30’s has taught me is that I am more than just what I look like. There’s so much more to me than a shirt size and for a long time I let that control my life.

No more! 

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“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde       Photo by Sees The Day Photography

Being confident doesn’t mean I don’t ever feel like garbage though, I still have days when I’m not feeling it and just want to crawl into bed in the fetal position. I mean, that’s just life! Confidence to me means I’m not letting my body image be in charge, I’m going to love me for me and live my life regardless of how I look. So even when I have those horrible days it doesn’t stop me!

And…if someone ever has something negative to say about my looks or wants to call me names they can just suck it!

Okay that wasn’t really mature and lady-like but it’s true.

Because now in my 30’s I don’t have the time or energy to care about what others think of the way I look. I think that’s the best part of being a little older and wiser, it really makes you put things into perspective for the better. Younger me would’ve had a complete emotional breakdown if someone made a mean comment or called me “fat” but now I simply do not care. This is why I love sharing my life on social media now and would’ve hated it when I was younger. Also, the support on Instagram from other moms has been so amazing and heartwarming it’s helped me with being my new confident self.

But… whenever I start feeling a little doubt, I remember “I am beautiful because God made me in his image.”

So now I encourage you to live your life with confidence and strength. Throw away those worries about your body and just go out and have a blast being your beautiful self!

Life is really too short to be crying about not fitting into some damn jeans, I’d rather just buy the bigger pants and wear a smile on my face.

Here’s to 33, it’s going to be great!

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XO,

Bessy

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